Some people go about life happy. They have never known pain. They do not relate to loss and they have nothing in their past or present that makes their heart ache. I know them, they walk amongst us. I know you think they live in denial, but that’s their life, their jig saw fits. Then there are others. Those like you and I who have to engage their willpower to take another step, live another day, decade, live this life. I’m writing this for you.
I know how uncomfortable the mattress can get at night. Even on nights, you’re deep asleep, your own dreams seem orchestrated to antagonize you. On days your smile seems too bright, there’s a thought gnawing at you and you know it’s probably short-lived. Everything seems like an omen. For you and I life is hard, very, very hard.
We fight every day not to sink any inch deeper into a precipice we cannot be rescued from. We fight not to slide deep into this land of no return. At what point in pain does one decide to cross over to the other side of love. At one point one makes peace with the brevity of life and the obliviousness of it all. At what point does one conquer: Vanity of vanities, everything is vanity.
No one has any idea what they are doing in life. Hope is what keeps us alive. I’ve listened to the pretentiousness around ‘she should have called ‘
‘He had a girlfriend; she should have known!’
As a fellow scribe, mighty with his pen and sarcasm once wrote “When people say call the people you love, do they mean, the people who love you, the people you love or on either way”.
Because, the ones you love don’t want to listen to you. The ones that love you, you don’t wanna talk to, and those that you love and love you back are always like, “just a minute, I’m getting back to you.” away!
This small space we call life, no amount of talking and cuddling and drinking and laughing and crying can ease the aches that awaits us. I say, when the pain comes, take it! Hold it so unexpectedly that it’ll grow scared. wear your wouds like precious tattoos. Don’t clothe them in false swathes of, “it’s going to be alright” it never will. Nothing is right in this space and time of momentary existence. nothing!
Because, let’s face it, when you text someone to ask how they are doing or how they spent the day, you hope they say they are fine and doing awesome. What would you do if they did not? Would you know if they did lie? Will it matter? How are you and I am fine can be lies and selfish in their own right.
If you’ve been a traveler long enough in this time quantum, you know that your loved ones sometimes “I’ll call you back in a few away”.
By now fellow traveler, you should have realized that life is a journey you undertake in solitude. You are alone. You are.
When the magnitude of solitude settles within your soul, only then can you appreciate the magic of connecting with others.
You will acknowledge that not all bonds are covalent and sometimes, what held life together strips away.
In life, love teaches us to savor those connections.
There are times when you’ll slip into the darkest of places and soak in thoughts you barely recognize. You will curse, you will cry and cry until your tears run dry, then you will cry some more.
You will hope for dawn, but dawn will not come to you that quickly.
It will take its time; it will punish you. It will seduce you, deep into the night. It will almost kill you, almost.
But dawn will come. In the morning, the seduction will be complete. You will realize the futility of it all. You might realize the prize of life. It will be hard, but you will arrive at a point of reconciliation.
I hope to see you at dawn.
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